paleo-mock-semantology – headline

New Scientist published an article with the headline Dinosaurs’ ‘bulletproof’ armour revealed.

Apparently the massive herbivore, ankylosaur, developed armor plating for protection from its enemies. In contrast, rival species began deploying rudimentary ballistic weapons. Responding to provocation, ankylosaurs needed a defensive adaptation during the late Jurassic and Cretaceous periods.

Consequently, gun violence became a widespread social problem among dinosaur clans. Fossil evidence has revealed that predatory practices became more sophisticated. Depleted uranium penetrators and shaped charge warheads rendered the ankylosaur’s defensive systems combat ineffective.

Rapid advances in delivery systems and energy yield ultimately led to the mass extinction of ankylosaurs and many other species. Enemy forces launched a multi-gigaton payload from long range. It detonated near the Yucatan Peninsula. That was the end of the ankylosaur.

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